How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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