Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the liver wants what the liver wants
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
