She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize