Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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