I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
