KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
