at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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