We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
