Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
