Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
