Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
