She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
