i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
