Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
