Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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