I just saw a hot homeless man
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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