12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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