I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
