went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
