I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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