On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize