someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we're making bets on your personal life
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
