you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
