it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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