Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
