drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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