Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
