My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
