I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
