And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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