she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
