Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
