Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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