So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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