wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you will always have a special place in my vag
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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