Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize