saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
