he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
