You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
