I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
