dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You ate ashes out of my bong
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
