peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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