she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
