I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
