Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
