The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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