I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Don't make out with my wife yet
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
