No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
