i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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