in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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