hotel room ftw
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
