When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
