I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize