There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There are leaves in my underwear?
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