Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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