when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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