Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was born a porn star she said
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
