mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
