I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
