That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
