Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
