I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
