Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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