good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize