it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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