he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who died my cat blue again?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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