I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
