sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
