Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize