You made me cry and you don't even care
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
