Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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