matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
