I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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